Not blogged for ages, probably a good thing, I know theres people out there with worst lives then mine but…. mine totally sucks! A few things have happened since the last time I blogged, Jak started talking to me again, we were going to meet up and everything untill he stood me up then lied about it! He still talks to me now and again but all he ever does is lie to me and you dont need boys like that really. Things with Kai are weird, we dont go out but we’re still doing stuff and I know its wrong but best to just go with it I reckon its not too bad with him atm hes being okay with me. My biggest problem is Chris.
Chris has a girlfriend. Chris wants to do things with me he shouldnt. Chris can be a dick. But I like him. We have history I mean we’ve been together before like 3 years ago and we ended on good terms but recently we got close again and no he says all these things to me about what he wants to do and im like, “dont you have a girlfriend to do this stuff with?” He just doesnt answer. Worst thing is he wont even tell me why hes doing it but I guess thats boys for ya :L
Met a nice boy called Lewis, we have a laugh and a joke together and flirt a bit but nothing serious there. He doesnt half cheer me up though :’) bless him always knows exactly how to make me laugh and smile, likes to keep me up till 3 in the morning to :L
then theres my new boyfriend- James. Lives down in London so yeah long distance but its going well I guess I like him a lot :D
this was not ment to be all about boys :L then again they’re my biggest problems atm well… except my mum but thats a whole different story :L
14 days till red jumpsuit apparatus eeeeppppp :D
and 12 till my birthday… fuck yes
off now anyway bu byeeee
Well that lasted :/
Boys = Twats, like seriously! Yes Jak was lovely, until he got what he wanted! Basically he was nice so he got what he wanted, talked to me for a bit after, got bored and moved onto the next girl. I would have thought I’d be more upset but tbh all I am is pissed of cos he used me! At least Kai never did that! So I’m giving up on boys for a bit, going to focus on other more important things. At least its nearly Christmas. Other then the whole Jak thing, things are pretty good, lets hope it lasts, knowing my luck it probably wont but hey, time to think positive, things get better, you just gotta hang in there.
Went to Meadowhall yesterday. Not a good idea a week before Christmas, over an hour I were in Marks and Spencer’s with my Mama, I literally wanted to die by the time we got out of there, then another 30 minutes on this cooking accessory shop! I thought I was bad spending ages in shops but thats a whole new level of bad if I’m honest and I’m going to Meadowhall again Thursday… the day BEFORE Christmas eve, I’m an idiot… Never mind though eh
Well doesn’t life suck!… Or no xD
Okay so I may be in a bad mood now but, life got freaking great! Well except a few things but meh those I can handle, Decided that I like Jak much much more then Kai, he’s everything you could ask for! Sweet funny not pushy and to add to that GORGEOUS! Which is a bonus on top of his great personality, I’ve never known a boy so sweet, and he actually cares about my feelings and says things like “Good morning beautiful” Im just so scared im going to fuck it all up and theres many things I can handle but losing him is not one of them, he said he wasn’t going anywhere though which makes me feel better and even though im not very pretty he thinks I am. Anyway enough of that, got exams soon well tomorrow, in a freezing cold hall… Yay (Y) one more thing im worried about though, if i ever did get with Jak, Kai is always going to be there to tempt me :/ which isnt good, I mean theres always going to be something there between me and Kai but If I hurt Jak I wouldn’t be able to stop feeling guilty :/ anyways im off got coursework (N)
I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.
— Marilyn Monroe
Why hello, I really need to get into the habit of doing this more often. Had a good start to December, it snowed like loads so first week of December and we were off school, best start to the month ever :) things are looking up, it goes to show if you put up with the bad things then the good will soon follow, just gotta remember to keep your head up I suppose :) last month was okay towards the end had a bit of a bad start to it though, everything was going good at the end of October, came back off holiday, got back with Kai, but then I got told something by Tom, one of my best friends, he told me he liked me which confused the hell outta me so what did I go and do, I cut myself off from both of them, I broke up with Kai and wouldn’t talk to Tom properly, I ended up hurting both of them, turns out Tom was going to ask me out the same day Kai did and he had to watch me and Kai being all over each other, I couldn’t stop feeling guilty about it, still do a bit :/ everythings fine now though thank God I still love Kai but I realise its best not to go there again I think even though everyone thinks he likes me still, but when we first broke up, it was for a reason and going back was stupid. Now I’ve started talking to this boy Jak who says he loves me but the thing is we’ve only just started talking and my friend Louise said he’s a bit of a noob so I duno to believe him or not and even if it was true, I mean I like him but I like Kai more so it wouldn’t be fair.
I have a complicated life :L Oh well things get better and hey its christmas soon :)
At Madina Lake waiting to go in :)
Ever feel helpless?
Ever feel like your helples, in a crowded room surrounded by people but you feel so alone? I do. All the time, I know your probably thinking here we go another depressing blog but this is actually the only place I can get all my thoughts and feelings off my chest. Sounds pathetic I know but I dont wanna bore my friends and family with all this soppy talk. Sometimes it all gets too much to cope with, you try and forget about it all but you cant so you try and make yourself forget which always ends up bad. Mostly its probably best to try and focus on the good things in your life but sometimes they get lost behind the bad :/ you get confused and frustrated then sometimes it causes stupid arguments with the people you love the most. Nothing makes sense after that you just want it all to be over. You lose important people then all you can think about are all the silly mistakes you made which gets you even more down, then theres other people that you love that you can do nothing for which just makes you feel so helpless its all gets very pathetic and your all over the place.
Everythings going a bit tits up recently I feel like I can do nothing right anymore, Im just greatful for my friends and family which is all I need, I know i’ll get through this everyone had rough times. Things get bad then they’re ment to get better, only time will tell I suppose,
Well wasnt this depressing sorry for that but sometimes youu gotta get it off your chest :L
Touch down :L
Well hey there, had a brill holiday, met someone very special :) but now everything at home is fucked up, Grounded again, suprise suprise and all confused about a certain ex of mine who just happens to be fucking about with my head, at school he ignores me then outta school he’s all over me, it takes the bleeding piss tbqh.
Got a new phone yesterday a Nokia C3 I actually love it, just means im not getting alot for christmas cos ive already had most of my presents now xD
Went to meadowhall on saturday to watch paranormal activity 2 only we couldnt watch that cos apparently youu need ID I mean what fucking 15 year old takes photo ID to the bloody cinema when you’ve never needed it before! just stupid
Oh well I’ll be off now
Byee xoxo - Rhianna
Well wasn’t my day fabulous, well for the most part it was fine, however the last part sucked, dont you just hate it when people try to go one better then you outta spite, i’ve known her all my life and she’s always done it, just cos my family gave more of a shit about me then hers did about her, so we’re arguing about my party cos her costume just has to be better then mine and im like wtf its MY birthday party. And there she goes saying she has all these illnesses and Im like, babe I may be Bi-Polar but I dont go on about it to get sympathy, I mean this year apart from the months I was with kai had been pretty shitty for me and I’ve come close to doing something very stupid a few times but I’m still standing and not going on about it cos I dont need peoples sympathy to make myself feel better, I get through it on my own, honestly about 2 of my friends actually know what im going through and they dont know all of it no-one does, so yeah get over yourself. Rant over.
Holiday monday WoopWoop